{Underneath the Stars.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Bitter Dilemma; Sweet Memories

11:37 AM

I think there's so much left unsaid between us.
Mainly from me? I'm sorry, it's been 4 years and I'm still no better off at this.
I don't know where we are now; we're both hurting but I hope you'd be okay soon.
I understand it's hard but I wish sometime soon we can still be friends and go back to when we were younger and be the good friends we were. If it's really not possible then yes, I will accept it.

There's alot of things I don't get about this whole affair, but I know we should never be selfish. And I won't be. I think this is the best I can do and I think it's what's best for us in this point of time. I'm sorry...

I know we gave it our best shot
But still, I'll keep you in my heart

Take care, love.

The Final Step of Love

IT was the hardest decision I've ever made,
this much I swear.
Felt like I stabbed my heart many times over -
so hard to bear.

Leaving you, could very well be my greatest regret
Need to get over you... but not forget:
Our love was the sweetest dream
The sunshine days
And the breathless nights

Hey boy, my lover
Walk with me till the end of the road
Finish the chapter
End this rapture
In this final step of love

It's gonna be the most difficult thing to do,
living alone.
Feels like I... lost the love of my life -
the only one.

Leaving you, could very well be my greatest regret
Need to get over you... but not forget:
Our love was eternal hope
Careless laughter
And passionate desires

Hey boy, my lover
Walk with me till the end of the road
Finish the chapter
End this rapture
In this final step of love

Hand in hand we strolled together
Step by step we're moving further
And oh... how I wonder...
Can we really be friends from lovers?

So boy, my lover
Walk with me just one more time...
till the end of the road (Just one more time)

To finish the chapter
End this rapture
I need you with me here (Oh boy yea)
In this final step of love

Final step of love
Final step of love
In this final step of love

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Sorting Out My Thoughts

2:42 AM

Been pretty emo lately, trying not to think too much and I'm really grateful to my friends for all being there for me and spending all that time talking and checking to see if I'm fine!!! Old friends and new, thanks a lot guys! =)

I'm glad that my thoughts are finally clearing as I think of what I want from my life. Money can buy you anything except time. And love, I believe. I want to remain the idealist, the one I told Rynel I wasn't anymore. Oh wells.

I just need to know that at the end of the day, will you be able to accept what I want, even if it isn't what you want? Will you let me go if I want to be free?

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the
Top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
Just a lie you got to rise above

I am invincible
As long as I'm alive

Monday, February 18, 2008

Random

3:46 PM

Came across this in 8 days, as told to me by Roy:

I tattooed your name
across my knee
but i fail Prembry Eight
so i spell wrongly

It's a series of Ah Beng Vday poems. So cute hor? Lols.

If I were holding back my feelings...

If I let myself go,
If I don't hold back...

Would I fall for you again?

Or would I fall for another one?

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Random

3:35 PM

Will you catch me if I fall?

Will you fall with me into this endless abyss?

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Songs Make Me Wild

3:38 AM

My Everything
by Michael Buble

You're a falling star, You're the get away car.
You're the line in the sand when I go too far.
You're the swimming pool, on an August day.
And you're the perfect thing to say.

And you play it coy, but it's kinda cute.
Ah, When you smile at me you know exactly what you do.
Baby don't pretend, that you don't know it's true.
Cause you can see it when I look at you.

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

You're a carousel, you're a wishing well,
And you light me up, when you ring my bell.
You're a mystery, you're from outer space,
You're every minute of my everyday.

And I can't believe, uh that I'm your man,
And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.
Whatever comes our way, ah we'll see it through,
And you know that's what our love can do.

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La
So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La

Roy said to enjoy the solitude of the night. Owells. I've spent half of it singing.
I love songs - especially when the lyrics just make you swoon, and the music makes your heart leap. I like how good songs make me feel; I think that's why I can tahan listening to the same song over and over again. =)

As I whiled away the sleepless hours recording, deleting, recording, deleting... I suddenly remembered this song. And along with it I remembered you saying... how you'd sing this to me as your proposal? Hehe. It was the sweetest thing I've heard! Mainly 'cos I was so in love with the song and secretly wishing you'd sing it for me. =X

Anyways... Happy Valentine's Day! Sorry about how things ended, but I did have fun with you okies! =) Thank you so much for everything. You needn't have, really. But it was really really sweet. =)) Sorry I couldn't give "the little smile" you were searching for. I suppose I am looking for it myself too. =X

I miss singing love songs with the feel.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

"Love is overrated"

4:30 AM

Dance Floor Anthem (I don't wanna be in love)
by Good Charlotte

She’s going out to forget they were together
All that time he was taking her for granted
She wants to see if there’s more
than he gave she’s looking for

He calls her up
He’s trippin on the phone now
He doesn’t want her out there
And alone now
He knows she’s movin it
Knows she’s using it
Now he’s losing it
She don’t care

Everybody put up your hands
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
Feel the beat now
If you’ve got nothing left
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
Breakin' up now
You’ve got a reason to live
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
Feelin' good now
Don’t be afraid to get down
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love

hmms~ remember when you wanted to know how I felt? This song kinda says it all. =)
I hope you understand how i felt previously. Still grappling with a lot of stuffs now - realisations, lessons learnt, emotions felt.

Friday, February 8, 2008

Chinese New Year 2008

12:00 AM

It's the year of the Rat!

This year... same old same old - yet so different. Couldn't be bothered to shop for new lingerie, new shoes, new accessories. I guess it's just so much has happened and that I'm so tired.

Promised myself not to think so much! Standard procedure for today, first day of CNY. Glad to catch up with my cousins, and yes... indulge in yummy foodies - curry chix, popiah, radish cake, ngoh hiang, pineapple tarts, bak kwa, chocs... etc. Ended the day with a mild cam-whoring session with my dearest sis. hee~

Tomorrow will be a better day. =X

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Save the Last Dance for ME!

3:54 AM

Cough till I ain't able to sleep.

So Youtube is my BESTIE FRIENDDD in these wee hours. Was checking out MTV for Flo Ri Da's Low & Chris Brown's Kiss Kiss... then suddenly feel the nostalgia flooding my senses. I miss choreographing those cheapo dances for NCC's annual ORD, miss dancing for class, miss dancing NJC's orientation dance, miss dancing for Maelstrom (NJ cheerlead!), miss dancing in SA.

So funny how my platoon chose me and Ser to choreograph all the NC dances - when we don't even have dance background. Hehe~ Miss the platoon man! Seems natural for Ser & Xue to be the ones to bring me clubbing. Ahs. I miss dancing with them.

Hope the plan to club & learn dance pulls through with Ser. *gRins xD

Oh mans Oh mans so high on hiphop now. Can't wait to hit the dance floor again. hehehe~ Kill me please and lay me to rest!

Monday, February 4, 2008

Ms Softee

9:22 AM

7-11 used to carry Mr Softee.

I loved it. Till they changed the ingredients. Somehow things were never the same again. And I lost my fondness for it.

But you will never forget the old taste.

Ong says that it's never easy to ease back into something new again.
Think of it again - it's not really new. It's just - different.

We are single most of our lives. We have our own stuffs to occupy us, our own interests to pursue, our own personal space to withdraw to. But we are still humans. We have herd instinct, we need friends for company. We need many types of LOVE. We are selfish. Yikes.

And we are all different. We work our whole lives away, doing what? Nothing else but building relationships. It gets tiring. Some pillars are easier to construct than others.

I'm just glad that I have 6 solid gold pillars to depend on. Gold gets valuable with time, and it's so stable it won't corrode.

Wee says I should persevere. Lim thinks I'm gonna get another. Pee is stern - no more drinking! heeS~ Woonie hopes I'm okay. Lyds is MIA whilst Choo just had her 21st birthday! So soon we've all grown! Really hope we can have full attendance this Sunday, and that I am completely well, alive and talking and that everything has settled so that I can properly tell my story.

Meanwhile... no pineapple tarts, no chocs, no curry, no prata, no singing, no partying, no boozing. Bahs. At least got ang bao. ^^ Enjoy Chinese New Year ya! =D

It's so hard to express thyself.
In the end, we all end up emulating & emoting; emulated & emoted.