--Auguries of Innocence, by William Blake
born May 14
It's almost 5am and yes, it's the beginning of a brand new week!
Kinda having Monday blues already though. All in anticipation of a bad week. Please let time fly asap and bring 12 Apr nearer to me! Can't wait to fly, like really strong urge to depart NOWNOWNOW. Bad week cos there's AFP test this coming Saturday!!! And I suddenly feel tight for time. Like, tomorrow, I'd only be free after drums but I wanna go Kino and get a sweet something for Miss damned-right-you-who-have-been-too-busy-with-your-mid-terms-to-chat-with-me! =P Gotta be home early to do chores, and if everything's fine, squeeze in time for a nice jog! I miss the night air.
Tuesday there's a meeting early morning for the Management Comp. Still feeling kinda sore about him ignoring me la. Ays. Maybe cos he always catches me doing mad stuffs. And he disapproves like maybe I'm too wild for him? Lols. Maybe his daughters are those who like gals and maybe they'd fall for me? Okays. That's a random thought. A lil crazy too. xD Then need to pia all the remaining chores before my parents fly back and find the house looking like crap. =XXX Scared no time to finish my French exercises in time for the evening though. And I hope Lyds don't pangseh me like AGAINAGAINAGAIN! Ahas, though I might have another guy for company on my way home la. Lols. ^^
Which leaves me, literally, with just Thursday to mug for the damn test? Cos I'm working full shifts on Wed and Fri. Damned. I hope I don't fail. *crosses fingers. again. and again. and again.* Three times lucky I hope.
Parents flew off to Bangkok on Sat morning, so it's kinda just Xin and me. Firstly... I wanna apologise! Sorry sis!!! Abandoned you on Sunday night to chill with my friends. Don't angry okies... I'm like doing all the chores as an apology hors. =)
I'm up so late cos supposed to watch a movie together but you fell asleep first! haha~ Hope I can wakey tomorrow. And be alert enough for work. AND drums! =)))
Hms... loadsa my close friends got attached recently. Doesn't help get my mind off things cos really, all I'm in is like some loveydovey mood wanting nuts but kissywissys ar. And yes! One of my bday wishlist is 21 kissies okies! So KNS babes! Do something! =P Trying to come up with more tangible stuff. Getting greedy though. Oopsies. =X
Somehow today was in a pretty nostalgic mood though? Maybe seeing the mug really brought back memories. Maybe it's just East Coast. Ahas. Kinda cynical though, seeing a friend getting dumped by a ugh. She's like soOoOoO goddamn pretty la, hello. Why is he like sucha bastard, really! My gosh. Really really cynical cos it makes me feel like all guys are kinda jerks. Bleahs. And I don't like, like girls enough to seriously completely give up guys. Hehs.
On a happier note though... I kinda affirmed stuff which made me crazy happy. To know that I'm right? Or know that possibility exists? I don't know la. Instinct is telling me a lot of things though, so i'll just let stuffs flow. =) I know I know myself well enough not to do stupid stuffs though. Humans are generally cautious beings. I guess that's how the saying "Once bitten, twice shy" came about.
Being a silly goose.Please, Please. Please!
I really need a good night's sleep.
Dear cough, let me be at peace!
Condemn the virus to levels of hell so damn deep
So that Evey can neither choke nor sneeze.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Maroon 5 finally held a concert here!
They were really good, and the atmosphere was pretty hip and all, but it was a disappointingly short concert. Kinda expected it to be like 2h long? I know nothing lasts forever BUT the actual thing was like an hour?! *feels cheated of $125* -.-
Was hoping they'd perform most of the new album tracks, plus my faves from their debut album. Ohwells.
Really ecstasically high while it lasted though. xD I so dig guys who twiddle with the mike stand while crooning ya. I think it's pretty common ya but ahs! it's pretty sexy. ^^
Spent over an hour trying to get a cab after everything ended though, and that pretty much ruined the mood as well.
Still! In really loveydovey mood! Tim says I am despo lor. Thanks ar. -.-
I feel like it. But I start thinking, and I end up confusing myself. Nothing Lasts Forever - Maroon 5
It is so easy to see
Dysfunction between you and me
We must free up these tired souls
Before the sadness kills us both
I tried and tried to let you know
I love you but I'm letting go
It may not last but I don't know
Just don't know
If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you
Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way
A bed that's warm with memories
Can heal us temporarily
The misbehaving only makes
The ditch between us so damn deep
Built a wall around my heart
I’ll never let it fall apart
But strangely I wish secretly
It would fall down while I'm asleep
If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you, babe
Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way
Though we have not hit the ground
Doesn't mean we're not still falling,
Oh I want so bad to pick you up
But you're still too reluctant to accept my help
What a shame, I hope you find somewhere to place the blame
But until then the fact remains
Felt a bit upset when they performed this yesterday. *sighs* I miss Sunday mornings.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
The long weekend's almost over; sad to say I didn't accomplish much of what I intended to. Spent a lot of time sleeping - been waking earliest 2pm - 'cos I really need the rest to quickly recover from my dreadful cough. Each night is getting harder for me, even with my meds I struggle to fall asleep. Thankfully the times when I cough myself awake are decreasing, and I actually get to dream (albeit nightmares =S) whilst asleep instead of just KO-ing.
Saturday - at Costa Sands Pasir Ris celebrating Hana's 21st! =) Bday gal specifically requested guests to dress up 'cos she wants a COSTUME PARTY.
(left) Me & Hana - She's an Angel, complete with wings though I don't know why they can't be seen here.
So few peeps dressed up la - I feel so cheated!!! haha~ proves that we are good friends ya. ^^
Karen, Minghui and I spent most of the night camwhoring away. Realised that my surname is rare, hee~ and that Da Bai has the same surname as me. Also found out that Pee's bf has a funny surname - Sai!!! Wahahahaha~ =X
And I made a terrific discovery(!!) - Mac users can directly upload photos to Facebook via iPhoto. =D =D =D But my internet connection lousy - somehow my uploads never fail to fail. -_-"""
Tried my best to be a good girl on Good Friday and spent some time with my family. Helped my cousin set up his Macbook - he's so lucky! But such a Beng. Tsktsk. Went to visit my uncle after that. He's a bachelor and stays at this 3-room flat in Tampines. Must say i really peifu him - he's soooOoOo neat and organised! If I had my own apartment, yeaps, I'd want to stuffs to be that way too but judging from the looks of my room now, *coughs*.
Hokays! This is where I resolve to tidy up my bedroom and study area by the end of the week. Been putting it off too long already; really need to clear up all the poly materials and throw stuff away to make space. =))) Finding it hard to get started though. Lazylazylazy me. ^^
And I really need to do something about my eyesight! Been having problems seeing nearby stuff recently, so finally had it checked today. *gulps* Really worsened alot. =((( Astig also increased. Argh. Oh wells. Hope they stay that way, best if can decrease. *keeps fingers crossed*
Happy for you. Travelling's always a good treatment I guess. My turn soon!!! Stay cheery!
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Now You Tell Me - by Jordin Sparks
Is there anything that can make you happy?
I don't know what to say to make it better
Seeing you like this, down and hurt so badly
When you have been so kept together
What's this?
All this time I thought you didn't need me
Now I've gone from you and now you tell me
You're in love, but that's not what it was
All those times that passed by with no signs
And now you're telling me
You miss me, boy why couldn't I see?
And my heart don't agree with what you're telling me
You were nonchalant, strong, and unaffected
And you never wanted me to be there
I never saw your heart, that's how close you kept it
So right now I'm so unsure how to care
What's this?
All this time I thought you didn't need me
Now I've gone from you and now you tell me
You're in love, but that's not what it was
All those times that passed by with no signs
And now you're telling me
You miss me, boy why couldn't I see?
And my heart don't agree with what you're telling me
No attention was given
No affection from you to heal the hurt
I was hoping
I was wishing
Just to listen and to hear those words
there are some things we don't understand, things we may never know.
alas! I want, but cant.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Today's one of my good hair days, so yeps, feeling pretty which makes me happy enough to survive today. =)
Couldn't sleep last night >.<... went to bed at 4.30am and slept fitfully till my alarm rang at 7. Supposed to crash Pee's 8.30am Lecture at NTU de... but I woke up feeling so shitty I decided to pangseh! SORRY pee!!! Guess gotta wait till next week to see ya. Psst... actually I watched Step Up 2 already... but I wanna watch again la. Hehe~ ALOT of eye candies ya! Yumms~
Was tired. Couldn't sleep. Realised that some of my Ubin photos did get uploaded on Facebook. So yeps, what better way to while the morning away by attempting to upload photos! You gotta salute my patience man - for every 10 attempts, less than 1 succeeds. -.-" Don't know what's wrong with my connection. Till now, I'm still trying to finish uploading D&D's photos. -.-"""
Tried to nap. Couldn't sleep either. *sighs* Partially cos I kept coughing, but maybe also because there was just too much on my mind. Hmms.
Anyways... work was slack! Spent afternoon shift eating and night shift getting massaged by Doc. Lols. Asked him about my meds... he say the seriousness of the side effects vary from people to people. Anyway, of my 3 meds, I think the other two is to counter the side effects de. -.-"
Walked myself home today. Weather's pretty nice - cool, cold even, when the wind blows. Perfect temperature to have a warm hand clasped over your cold fingers. Perfect timing to huddle against a sturdy shoulder. Perfect night to chill out with a special someone. With good music, or a movie, maybe a booze or two. And just enjoy each other's company. Might not be your lover. Could be the best of friends. It'd still feel wonderful to embrace the warmth and comfort of a fellow mate. =)))
Anyways, this is a pretty sweet song... pretty into it today, maybe cause I'm dreaming of being in love too much already. hahas~ This song is like perfect for MisterK la! All the best alrights! (Though my well wishes seem a teensy bit too soon. ;) )
If That's Okay With You - Shayne Ward
I need a sandman to collect all my worries and lure me into thy sweet slumber.
c'est la vie~
2:45 AMGlad that Tuesday's better, what with my body getting accustomed to the meds so the trembling ain't so bad le. But I suspect I might be allergic to it because my cough seemed to have worsened and I kinda have rashes. Yikes.
Feeling luckyluckylucky. =))) Was wishing that I could work more shifts for the following 4 weeks so that I'd have more $ for my travel plans. Was also wishing for a tuition assignment for the good $. Got both wishes granted today! But still wondering whether I should take up the tuition offer. I 'd like some time for myself, my family and my friends too ma. ^^
SoOoOo excited about the Europe trip in April!!! Think Daddy's heart is aching from the expenses though... =X Went Borders with Woonies to check out travel books! hehe~ Romania-> Greece-> Amsterdam!! Really need to do extensive research 'cos badly want an enjoyable trip. First time travelling without supervision ma. Spontaneous yes la, but must make sure no cockups. =D Met up with Zhenny and had a damn funny convo over late lunch. Sorry ar Woonies, didn't mean to make you eat again. =P
Lyds pang-sehed for French AGAIN. However, really happy to say that I kinda got back my passion for francais!! Was really dreading lessons 'cos very rusty already plus not used to Bernadette's style. But heys, class was really interesting and fun today, being interactive and all. Noticed that both Pascal(previous French teacher) and Bernadette like to 'pick' on me ar. I guess Evelyne (pronounced air-ver-linne) reallyreallyreally sounds nice in French. *bEams~ We learnt vocab today - adjectives to describe people physically, then we had to choose a famous person and describe him/her in Francais for the class to guess. Ahas~ and I picked Mas Selamat! So fun and funny. =D *psst, vin, jealous? Come take francais with me! =P
Was so exuberant after French that I decided to go for a nice night-jog and sunbian test my armband. And yes! It worked purr-fectly! Hee~ always good to check out product reviews. Wow, never realised how much I've been missing out, jogging without music. It's damn motivating!! Shoulda gotten poddy earlier. =D Had Sara Bareilles accompany me for warm up, whilst my fave BLG really made me run and like, so high till I sing and RUN! In the end stitch. -.-" Very gratifying to work my abs to Low, fascinating about my soon-to-be hot bod and yes! can almost do a split. hahas~
On a more serious note, thought alot about my future during the long run.
Dreaming big~
When I am rich, I'd like to have my cosy penthouse with my own library-cum-art room, dance studio-cum-music room. A roof-top bar. Huge toilets. A pretty, well-stocked kitchen.
Maybe I'd run my own arts school - teach literary arts, fine arts, performing arts.
Maybe I'd have my own hotel(s) - both high-end and budget.
I want to contribute to local arts scene!!!
Be an accomplished drummer. Ahas.
Dreaming miscellaneously~
I want to be a bartender.
I want to have a freaking successful marketing campaign.
I want to be an air stewardess (not the budget airlines kind hor).
Dreaming with feet firmly (I think) on ground~
I wish I'd get the Credit Suisse job. *crosses fingers tightly*
Enjoy good pay for 2-3 years.
Get my vespa.
Backpack around.
Head overseas to finish off tertiary edu.
Get good job.
=)
There's many other crazy shyt stuffs that I dream about la, but these were all I remember so far. =D
So yeps, a veryveryvery happy day for me that's why I thought I'd update. The happiness is just brimming that I can't contain it la~ Hopes everybody gets a bit of it. ;)
Life is short. Get a grip. Live life to the fullest. Every minute, every second. Cheers!
My fringe makes me look young and all these happy thingies have me feeling like a little girl again. =) Getting over is never an option, but moving on is. It's never in me to dwell too long where the darkness lurks cos I've always been a sunshine gal. Please appreciate what you have now - don't hurt your dearest; don't throw your family and friends away with rash stupidity - it's always too late to regret past actions but it's never too late to start afresh. Stand up and finish life's path - paint it just the colour you want. By yourself. Be yourself. Find yourself. Yes, your own feet can very well withstand your weight. Stop your fears. Stop running away. Stop living in history and embrace the future. Create it and make it yours. =)
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
I don't want to be courted by him.
1:32 AMFrankly speaking, I find that everything about him has changed. The stuffs that he's up to... Are those his interests he's pursuing... or mine? I remember how I tried getting him to join me for this/that. I remember crying for drums. So ironic now, looking back.
Never really rejected going Thailand with him. Just wanted it as a group date with Bin & Koonies cos I thought seeing them together might just fill in some of the cracks for us.. But it's over.
In a nutshell:
Why I don't want to be courted/ Why I broke up
It all begins with how important love is to me. And yes, it takes precedence over everything. It takes different forms, like how, I love Life in itself.
I believe, when you fall, you are giving parts of yourself away. And give I did. All the love in the world~ Now, I'm left so empty I can't fall in love as much as I want to. So many nice guys around la, can just take my pick. ^^
He was the craziest guy I was ever with - wanting to ground the relationship, and doing so much just to stabilise and make sure I don't run away. I thought we'd really withstand everything, seeing the type of sh*t we went through together. Breaking up shouldn't ever have been an option in the first place.
Once it became an option, things are over. for. me.
Naive? Yes. Maybe.
Dumb reason? Oh no. If you really think so then you suck bigtime in understanding me. But then again, it's a summarised version of things so you probably can't get what's going on in my head. (Here, 'you' = reader. Me not blasting him ar.)
He says his misses me. True you'd definitely miss someone who has shared lives with you for a pretty long period (we are twenty, 4 years'd mean we have spent one fifth of our lives together!). I miss the old him too. The one who's sweet, wonderful, yet sucha jerk. Ahas, all guys have some kinda jerk in them la, just as all gals have inner bitches. I wonder... if it's fear of being alone, not having a better other half, etc that's keeping him there.
It took me so much to walk out. Sure I have had great support. But ultimately, it was an enormous effort just to leave my comfort zone. The things I read still make me cry. And memories still haunt me. But it's time for us to really move on and experience life as it should have been.
=) Friends...? not till he gets over me proper. Otherwise it's gonna be trying.
Monday, March 17, 2008
>.< Monday Blues
2:03 AMBack to work today - really busy for the first time in days. Constantly having patients! Was so worn out I just napped during lunch break instead of heading home for a meal. Doc said my cough is bad, cos I was wheezing. =(((
Which means medicine! Really hate taking medication. *sighs*
Poor Evey demands tender loving care! haha~ I think the side effects pretty much ruined my day. Usually I'd look foward to ending my blue-ish Mondays with nice drums lesson. But it was just so frustrating today la! *gRr~ it's not that I can't play, it's just that I cannot sustain cos I just couldn't concentrate. Then in the end try till feel so giddy I just felt like crying. Was tahan-ing all the way. *sighs* So angry with myself. Hmprhs.
GENERIC NAME: ALBUTEROL
BRAND NAME(S): Proventil, Ventolin
SIDE EFFECTS: Tremor, nervousness, shakiness, headache, nausea, lightheadedness, difficulty sleeping, unusual taste in mouth, increased appetite, muscle cramps, flushing, or dry throat may occur the first several days as your body adjusts to the medication. If any of these effects continue or become bothersome, inform your doctor. Notify your doctor if you develop: a rapid heartbeat, chest pain, dizziness, coughing, wheezing. In the unlikely event you have a serious allergic reaction to this drug, seek medical attention immediately. Symptoms of a serious allergic reaction include: rash, itching, swelling, severe dizziness, trouble breathing. If you notice other effects not listed above, contact your doctor or pharmacist.
Quick updates - D&D last Wed (cute waiter!) + Ubin Cycling Trip on Sunday. Many photos to share but extreme sadly, Facebook and Bloggy refuses to help me upload them despite my several chivalrous attempts. *sighs*
Anyways, this is a pretty gloomy day so I'd thought I'd spice it up with good news - I'm gonna be travelling! Wow-whee~ Europe in April & Thailand in May! *bEams~ Will elaborate more when stuffs are all confirmed. ^^
I never expected to be able to travel to Europe so soon. Always thought my first trip there'd be in my mid-twenties, probbie with my bf backpacking throughout the whole of Europe. Lucky, lucky me. =)
*crosses fingers* Hopes that I can upload photos soon! Hopes that I can get sufficient capital for travel! Hopes that loneliness keeps its cold cold arms away from my warming heart! Hopes for that one day. =) silly goose me~
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Happiness is My Source of Contentment
2:58 AMDearest Bloggy,
Mr Tim remarked that I've been neglecting you. I am so so sorry! *hUgs & sMoochies*
Promise I will make it up to you with superduper many entries alrights?
Miss you too~ ;)
Love,
Eve
haha~ silly me with my imaginary blogspot boyfriend. =) Been meaning to update 'cos I really really have a lot to say, not just the post-breakup thoughts, responses to his entries/thoughts but also manymanymany things I've come to realise. Like how I'm sucha lucky girl. *bEams.
Everyday I have different "entries", which I just draft on my HP. Alot of emo stuff, so sometimes I hesitate to pen. Now, I'm in the mood to like blast 5 entries or something but erms.. TA test tomorrow. Oopsy. 3.16am and I haven't started studying. Gonna nap first then wakey at 6am to start revision. Wish me lotsa luck for this!
Currently - just wakeys from the 11pm-1am nap then feeling very alert - checked out itinerary and stuffs and ohs, just get so high all over again. Finding myself perpetually happy nowadays, and I'm really contented with what I have despite knowing that I lack 'alot'.
Very very thankful to be so blessed.
=)))Craving for a nice snuggle,
Rearing for a kiss.
Yearning for a cuddle;
Is it you I miss?
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
the "sms"
9:31 PMthis is really complicated. for simplicity's sakes... I'll just do it your way and say:
"hey, sorry, but i don't think we can be together anymore."
And I ain't hell bent on quitting. Whatever it was, I quit ages ago.
I quit the very day you split.
After 4 beautiful years, don't you understand what Love means to me?
Take care.
Goodbye.
P/S: Your stuffs, dribs and drabs of it lying about my place. You can come collect anything at any point of time. Just give my Mum a call. I don't think I'll ever get around packing.
-
12:58 PM Gotta fix that calender I have
That's marked March 05
Because since there's no more me
There's no more anniversary
- (adapted from) So Sick, Ne-Yo
Monday, March 3, 2008
March Madness!!!
2:49 PM03/03/08
*points to '3', squeals: "my favourite number!"
Okays, that's random shyt.
So March is beginning, and I guess it's time to update*update*update!
Supposed to start looking for jobs today. Really dreaded job-hunting 'cos of my seemingly impossible schedule:
Mon: Drums! (6.15pm - 7pm)
Tue, Thu: French! (7pm - 9pm)
Wed, Fri: AFP (9am-1pm), Night Shift@Clinic (7pm - 9pm)
Not to mention I'll be working some of the Weekend Shift@Clinic (9am - 12.30pm). Which means I'd need a really flexi job. And no, I don't wanna do sales. Too draining already. Geez.
But heys! Having a lucky streak! =)
Apparently one of the day shift staff is quitting, so I'll be starting work @Clinic like, tomorrow morning. Still can't believe the timing. Still thinking of teaching tuition though. Gonna check out the schedule tomorrow then update okies! =D
I'm really really really thankful. Not just for the job, but grateful to friends and all (THANKEWS FANG FOR YOUR LETTER!). Thankews to class for making the Sentosa outing sucha success. *bEams. I can't believe how the class is so much closer upon graduation. Hope I can go for Thurs okies! And ya, the luck - yesterday's Mahjong kena bao still overall win $1.
Really swinging into momentum now. It's 3.33pm now, and a lot left to accomplished - jogging, reading, BD (yes, I haven't submitted the final report. Nono, there isn't even a final report 'cos I haven't done it. *rolls eyes*). And of course, *. Hope to finish * and pass it to Mook by Wednesday.
You say that if it makes you sad then I shouldn't pass it to you. But I don't think it will. I just wanna explain myself, my thoughts and my feelings. I'm relieved that you know how hard expressing myself is, and I'm thankful for your understanding and patience. I was very happy last night... when you spoke to me and it was though 4 years ago, when we were close friends. =)))
Oh, and before I forget, I must thank my family for their support. Yeps, on the leap day, I broke the news of the breakup to them. They were very nice about it *phews~*. Although Mum's concern can get pretty overbearing at times, but yeas, they're very sweet. =) haha~ Only Xin will read this though (You better study hard ar =P). Dunno if Dad knows about my blog anot. ^^
Last but not least, something random to end off:
Heard that in China, farmers actually skin puppies for their fur. The poor things are actually skinned alive. Their heads are repeatedly stepped on first. Then, they wriggle and writhe in pain and tear blood as the inhuman beings tug at their skin, as though unwrapping clingwrap.
I wish...
that this will be stopped soon. I hate it how humans can be so heartless.
Granted they might not be educated and it's for money... still... such acts are so disgusting that if you had a heart you'd rather die then do this shyt you know.
Maybe your karma'd be you on the ground with your head being stepped on by 300-pound ladies in stilettoes. Then, you'd be hung up like a piece of meat, and first, they'd chop off ur ba*ls and d*ck before tearing up your skin.
Ohwells. Somebody please stop this soon. >.<