--Auguries of Innocence, by William Blake
born May 14
Frankly speaking, I find that everything about him has changed. The stuffs that he's up to... Are those his interests he's pursuing... or mine? I remember how I tried getting him to join me for this/that. I remember crying for drums. So ironic now, looking back.
Never really rejected going Thailand with him. Just wanted it as a group date with Bin & Koonies cos I thought seeing them together might just fill in some of the cracks for us.. But it's over.
In a nutshell:
Why I don't want to be courted/ Why I broke up
It all begins with how important love is to me. And yes, it takes precedence over everything. It takes different forms, like how, I love Life in itself.
I believe, when you fall, you are giving parts of yourself away. And give I did. All the love in the world~ Now, I'm left so empty I can't fall in love as much as I want to. So many nice guys around la, can just take my pick. ^^
He was the craziest guy I was ever with - wanting to ground the relationship, and doing so much just to stabilise and make sure I don't run away. I thought we'd really withstand everything, seeing the type of sh*t we went through together. Breaking up shouldn't ever have been an option in the first place.
Once it became an option, things are over. for. me.
Naive? Yes. Maybe.
Dumb reason? Oh no. If you really think so then you suck bigtime in understanding me. But then again, it's a summarised version of things so you probably can't get what's going on in my head. (Here, 'you' = reader. Me not blasting him ar.)
He says his misses me. True you'd definitely miss someone who has shared lives with you for a pretty long period (we are twenty, 4 years'd mean we have spent one fifth of our lives together!). I miss the old him too. The one who's sweet, wonderful, yet sucha jerk. Ahas, all guys have some kinda jerk in them la, just as all gals have inner bitches. I wonder... if it's fear of being alone, not having a better other half, etc that's keeping him there.
It took me so much to walk out. Sure I have had great support. But ultimately, it was an enormous effort just to leave my comfort zone. The things I read still make me cry. And memories still haunt me. But it's time for us to really move on and experience life as it should have been.
=) Friends...? not till he gets over me proper. Otherwise it's gonna be trying.