{Underneath the Stars.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Own Space

1:32 AM

Having your own space is a luxury, and a huge responsibility. I will keep my room neat! Haven't been packing my stuffs for days... so later on, I'll spend my entire day clearing up. Can't wait to get to the room-personalisation part. =)

Still... I MUST GET THROUGH THE ORGANISATION PART TOO. and I hereby promise myself to NOT misplace stuffs and to keep things proper. And to procrastinate less.

So... I will start jogging. Target: >4km. Still contemplating the Nike 10km run. A tad expensive though, cos I'm gonna join Army 21 and StanChart 42. And... alcohol ban! For a month! Food ban... shouldn't take deep fried stuff cos of my throat. And cough. Yikes.

And I so need to drink more water. Keep feeling dehydrated.

Still no news ever since I sent out my resume. Will be patient. And will keep my hopes up. =)

Which means roomwarming will be delayed. hee~ Can't wait to have chillout sessions in my own room with da gals. *grins*

Fang will finally be back on Thurs... *beams*

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

drums rock my life

1:09 AM

Happy!

Had a nice lunch with Viv, Grace, Ric & Zhenny @Soup Spoon, Tanjong Pagar. Omg. Can you believe what I did... I actually went Raffles instead for no reason. =.= After that went Zhenny's shop to chat.. very interesting learning about the jade and jewelry trade. Haha.. guess he's just someone very different from the usual snobs you see around. =) Really glad the class's still keeping in touch... ^^

Then it's family time! Yays. Dad & Sis both on hols.. so we went for Get Smart. Felt it's pretty flat. Can't wait for Zohan & the Toys+Comic Convention this Sunday! And pee, is our ECP date still on? ;)

HAPPIEST. Late for drums. but very happy cos I suddenly felt very energized and caught on pretty quickly as compared to the manyyyy previous months. I guess the jamming helped alot. =))) Boosted my confidence.. though my bass still anyhow. ROFL.

Can't wait for my drumset. First and foremost! Job Job Job! *crosses fingers*

If only it's as easy as buying another heart. >.<

Sunday, June 22, 2008

I am really unhappy.

9:25 PM

Going through a rough patch now.. Was informed that the position I was interviewed for... will be closed 'cos they decided to shuffle internal staff for it. =( I could continue waiting for another position... but at the same time I've started hunting for other jobs. Owells. Guess I'm gonna hafta slog my guts out to afford all the stuffs I've been hankering for. =(((

*sighs* so much to do, so much time, so little will, so little focus, such a lack of drive.

All of a sudden, I need motivation.

I want the sense of security and reliability. But I need. to find. my strength. and build on my independence.

Don't want to hurt anybody. I'm so afraid of that. Ahs, but some things you just can't help. Some feelings you can't suppress. Just read something very beautifully written for me and I feel like crying. Ohwells. How on earth does one ever get over this! I used to imagine us together till the end of time. Lovely dream.

And then there's that other one, special connection. How can you deny something so beautiful? Maybe... just maybe it's an illusion built on words and desire. Maybe it's really just "him". But there's no way you'd know for sure... unless you try. And that's the scary part. Yesyes, we all know. =)

Ahs. Fear. Makes life more precious at times doesn't it? Makes it worth living, maybe?

Stars by Switchfoot
Maybe I've been the problem
Maybe I'm the one to blame
But even when I turn it off and blame myself
The outcome feels the same

I've been thinking maybe I've been partly cloudy
Maybe I'm the chance of rain
And maybe I'm overcast
And maybe all my luck's washed down the drain

I've been thinking 'bout everyone,
Everyone you look so lonely
But when I look at the stars
When I look at the stars
When I look at the stars, I see someone else
When I look at the stars
The stars, I feel like myself

Stars looking at a planet
Watching entropy and pain
And maybe to start to wonder
How the chaos in our lives could pass as sane

I've been thinking 'bout the meaning of resistance
Of a hope beyond my own
And suddenly the infinite and penitent
Begin to look like home

I've been thinking about everyone
Everyone you looks so empty
But when I look at the stars
When I look at the stars
When I look at the stars, I see someone else
When I look at the stars
The stars, I feel like myself.
Yeah!

Everyone, Everyone feels so lonely
Everyone, yeah everyone feels so empty
When I look at the stars
When I look at the stars
When I look at the stars, I feel like myself
When I look at the stars
The stars, I see someone...

They say time heals all wounds. And that we are all linked by fate. Let's see how far our paths run accordingly. =)

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

RA(21)

1:45 PM

Happy belated 21st bday to me!

Since I came back, loads has been happening man... so I was thinking if I don't update.. I probably won't EVER get down to it. ^^

Must say... 21 years old. Really quite a different "age". It's where you're legally a friggin' adult. So moi parents have been nagging me about getting a job... yadayadayada. Well... I'm still in "negotiation" with the bank, i.e. WAITING for them mainly. *crosses fingers* They should be getting back to me today or tomorrow. With good news. I hopehopehope.

Okays... so I've been busy going out! Wanna thank all the people who made my burpday a really great one.

Kudos to KNS... we've been firm friends for what? 7 years?! hee... really love you gals... thankews for the cupcake surprise at Brusselsprouts man... and for all sending me to the airport... and YES THE MANY KISSES. Dig y'all man! \m/!! psst... btw.. am I supposed to still be getting KNS photos? ROFL.

Next up'd be a bagful of thankews to K&Y... thanks for looking after me on the Thai trip... and for the expected surprise! haha. Was really a crazy, enjoyable and definitely memorable trip. =D

And ROY! Thanks for dinner la... My gosh. Still can't believe *we* ate so much. =X yummies. and the holga's pict is nice! Next time shall borrow your holga to play okies... when I'm earning a decent salary and can afford to be extravagant on the damned film. ^^

Ean & Bin... wah~ never expected you all to have something for me too... thanksthanks man... I was reallllllly surprised. =) Damn sweet la, the dvds.

Family... of course must thank my sis... who got the mango cheesecake for me! and my parents.. urms.. no pressie but I supposed being able to go for the Euro & Thai trips is more than enough as a bday pressie. THANKEWS! and my relatives... for the angbaos to support my trips as well. Really quite touched. ^^

Ricky&Rynel... thankews for the wellwishes and the absolut mango. haha~ see already I feel damn shiok, don't even hafta drink. Meet up soon man!

And thanks to everybody else who wished me a happy 21st! =D

Somehow still got a lot of people to thank... but my brain - SUPER STONED stage. Been drinking alot for the past 5 days... I shan't even start recapping WHAT I drank. Had quite a bit of fun too last month, though I *don't remember* drinking so much. Woonies' 20th bday bash, his 'last' gig-cum-class outing, the late-night drinking & clubbing... KTV with BF&gals.. Brusselsprouts several times..Mothers' day pressie, Fathers' day @MarutamaRamen, BF's timbre gig, jamming, many many many movie outings... GOSH. I think I've caught everything there is to be caught.

And KNOWS WHAT! I'm finally getting my own room! Parents gonna lemme convert the study into my bedroom. *beams* Can't do much cos of all the built in cabinets... but heys.. I'm gonna do something nice to the blank wall. Can't wait mans. Then I shall have "roomwarming". hehehe~ =DDD Fangs... so totally doing this for you man! *muackies*

And last but not least... Mraz is indeed coming to Singapore. I can stop dreaming about him now. Teehees~

Okies. That should be about it for now... Actually alot more to update, should post photos and stuff but yea, I'm just too drained. Adios!

Reallyreallyreally praying, wishing, hoping hard that I'm getting the job. Can do wonders with the pay ya... fulfill my dreams! wOooohOooos~ *cross fingers*

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

L-O-V-E

7:10 PM

Caught Sex & the City yesternight - it was meaningful, in more ways than one. So when I read this particular e-mail, I felt pretty bowled over by some of the content. Especially especially especially the first one:

I got a forwarded e-mail, citing quotes from children aged 4 to 8. These were based on their answers to the question: "What does Love mean?". And here're my favourites, in order of priority too! ^^

1) You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.

2) When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.

3) If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate.

Love is...

1) What's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.
2) When you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.
3) When you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.
4) When a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.
5) What makes you smile when you're tired.
6) When your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.
7) When you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.

Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he
was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly Gentleman who had recently lost his wife.
Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.
When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the
little boy said, 'Nothing, I just helped him cry'

a touch of sweetness in the simplest, even silly, things~ =)

Monday, June 9, 2008

Where is my soul?

9:15 PM

心情低落.

Easier Than Love
by Switchfoot

Ah La La La La La La,
Ah La La La La La La

Sex is currency
She sells cars,
She sells magazines
Addictive bittersweet, clap your hands,
with the hopeless nicotines

Everyone's a lost romantic,
Since our love became a kissing show
Everyone's a Casanova,
Come and pass me the mistletoe

Everyone's been scared to death of dying here alone

She is easier than love
Is easier than life
It's easier to fake and smile and bribe

It's easier to leave
It's easier to lie
It's harder to face ourselves at night
Feeling alone,
What have we done?
What is the monster we've become?

Where is my soul?

Numb

Sex is industry,
The CEO, of corporate policy
Skin-deep ministry,
Suburban youth, hail your so-called liberty

Every advertising antic,
Our banner waves with a neon glow
War and love become pedantic,
We wage love with a mistletoe

Everyone's been scared to death of dying here alone

She is easier than love
Is easier than life
It's easier to fake and smile and bribe

It's easier to leave
It's easier to lie
It's harder to face ourselves at night
Feeling alone,
What have we done?
What is the monster we've become?

Where is my soul?

Ah, la, la, la, la,
(Yeah!)
La la la la la la la,

La, la, la, la, oh,
(Yeah!)
La, la, la, la, no!

It's easier to love,
It's easier to love

It's easier to love,
It's easier to love

She is easier than love,
It's easier to love

Everyone's been scared to death of,
Everyone's been scared to death of,
Everyone's been scared to death of dying here alone,
alone

Sex is easier than love,
It's easier than love,
It's easier to fake and smile and brag

It's easier to leave,
It's easier to lie,
It's harder to face ourselves at night
Feeling alone,
What have we done?
What is the monster we've become?

Where is my soul? (Where is my?)
Where is my soul?

Ah, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la,

La, la, la, la, la, la,
La, la, la, la, no!

La, la, la, la, oh

Overly sober to the point of mild depression.
Not that I'm thinking alot, but I just keep having wave after wave of emotions engulfing me.
It's all very overwhelming ya.

Feels like it just happened. Feels like one can never .... ..... . *sighs*

Sometimes you'd crave for the intimacy, but somehow you feel like that's unattainable anymore.
Still, life moves on. And yes, you try to look for substitutes; stuffs to busy yourself with. Indulge in your other loves. And try not to notice how sometimes, just sometimes, something feels just that little bit amiss. Just a bit.