--Auguries of Innocence, by William Blake
born May 14
Going through a rough patch now.. Was informed that the position I was interviewed for... will be closed 'cos they decided to shuffle internal staff for it. =( I could continue waiting for another position... but at the same time I've started hunting for other jobs. Owells. Guess I'm gonna hafta slog my guts out to afford all the stuffs I've been hankering for. =(((
*sighs* so much to do, so much time, so little will, so little focus, such a lack of drive.
All of a sudden, I need motivation.
I want the sense of security and reliability. But I need. to find. my strength. and build on my independence.
Don't want to hurt anybody. I'm so afraid of that. Ahs, but some things you just can't help. Some feelings you can't suppress. Just read something very beautifully written for me and I feel like crying. Ohwells. How on earth does one ever get over this! I used to imagine us together till the end of time. Lovely dream.
And then there's that other one, special connection. How can you deny something so beautiful? Maybe... just maybe it's an illusion built on words and desire. Maybe it's really just "him". But there's no way you'd know for sure... unless you try. And that's the scary part. Yesyes, we all know. =)
Ahs. Fear. Makes life more precious at times doesn't it? Makes it worth living, maybe?
Stars by Switchfoot
Maybe I've been the problem
Maybe I'm the one to blame
But even when I turn it off and blame myself
The outcome feels the same
I've been thinking maybe I've been partly cloudy
Maybe I'm the chance of rain
And maybe I'm overcast
And maybe all my luck's washed down the drain
I've been thinking 'bout everyone,
Everyone you look so lonely
But when I look at the stars
When I look at the stars
When I look at the stars, I see someone else
When I look at the stars
The stars, I feel like myself
Stars looking at a planet
Watching entropy and pain
And maybe to start to wonder
How the chaos in our lives could pass as sane
I've been thinking 'bout the meaning of resistance
Of a hope beyond my own
And suddenly the infinite and penitent
Begin to look like home
I've been thinking about everyone
Everyone you looks so empty
But when I look at the stars
When I look at the stars
When I look at the stars, I see someone else
When I look at the stars
The stars, I feel like myself.
Yeah!
Everyone, Everyone feels so lonely
Everyone, yeah everyone feels so empty
When I look at the stars
When I look at the stars
When I look at the stars, I feel like myself
When I look at the stars
The stars, I see someone...
They say time heals all wounds. And that we are all linked by fate. Let's see how far our paths run accordingly. =)