Today. Minutes past 8. Again.
Again I woke up with a start.
Again my heart pounded furiously.
Still my heart pounds.
Strong and fast; madly.
Beginning to identify this emotion;
categorising it like it's some kinda chemical.
Putting it in place on the shelf amongst the others.
Perhaps it's one sixth fear; reacted with two fifths worry?
What should I name it?
1. Care and Concern (Beta version)
No, doesn't quite cut it.
2. Desperation?
Nahs, that's not what desperation is.
~
Subconsciousness -
whereby I lose all forms of concentration and the only point of focus is my hand bound to a simple pen,
my fingers tightly wrapped around it,
feeding it energy to unleash my emotions...
~
Open.
I open my eyes and I do not see.
With myopia, I see -
Blurred shapes and a swirl of colours.
With my lens, I see -
Barely in the dark.
Eyes closed.
Immediately I
see so much more.
I hear -
the tiniest of sounds.
Picking up basslines so faint,
yet so beautiful.
Parts of music that reveals to you which song they belong to.
the faintest of noises.
Comforting, usual noises like the whirring of the fan.
Annoying cacophony of early morning traffic.
Odd nuances in speech.
I breathe -
The scent of nature: the rain, the grass the flowers;
Fragrantly blooming of life, with lives.
The whiffs of perfumes: musky/fresh/sporty/sweet
Consumables luring me to my next purchase.
The aroma of food. Seranades my mind.
Delicious. Tasty. Scrumptious. Bleahs, but okays.
Tantalises my taste buds.
I taste...
Sourness that shocks you.
Sweetness that melts you.
Bitternesss that bites you.
Saltiness that drains you.
Spiciness that burns you.
Umami that thrills you.
I feel...
so much more than my senses combined.
I touch... ... ...
But what comes is more than just what I touched.
It could be a spark, a tingle
Something hot; something cold?
I feel... ...
and I fall down the bottomless pit of endless emotions
A databank of colours
A well of texture
Things that you only ever ever only feel.
And then you wonder... why so what's that how's it where from who's it for.
~
Lovely Saturday morning.
Home alone.
~
New emotions. They scare me.
I feel like I don't know myself at times;
they control me - take over my subconsciousness
they eat me up and i don't eat
they turn me inside out and i drink till my insides are out
they burn within me and bring me to levels of desperation I never know I can feel
I. am. afraid. of. how. I. feel.
~
Do unto others what you want unto you.
Shut myself at home the whole week.
A period of random thoughts.
Just tired of giving for a little while.
Time to recharge. to rest. to rethink.
Rebuild my energies. Settle my thoughts...
~
Thursday.
Tasted the sweetness of nostalgia,
Felt the quietness of grief,
Stung by the thrill of excitement,
Enchanted by the spill of contentment.
Totally awashed with emotions.
~
To salsa, in unknown depths.
Tango. in jest.
A burlesque, cheekily... to tempt.
And end the night, a beautiful waltz
Things to do, to have memories of.
~
Dreams. I'm a dreamer.
Too many dreams.
You gotta give up some to pursue others.
Choose wisely.
~
I think too much.
Seghe mentali overdose.
Focus, concentrate. Be content.
Let go.
~
Writing my heart out. writing. writing.
and my heart is pounding. Still.